Grief Like An Ocean

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The last few months have been an emotional tornado. My grandmother passed away at the end of April and since then the family has been, at best, silently and begrudgingly tolerating each other and, at worst, genuinely having a difficult time finding reasons to love and accept one another.

Admittedly, I am part of this emotional tornado. I have helped the vortex swirl faster and given it berth. I have said and done things that I shouldn’t have and in my own inconsolable grief and rage forgotten that everyone else around me is also hurting.

In the midst of another insomnia ridden night, I wrote the following, via the notebook app on my phone.

For what it’s worth I Think grandma would be disappointed in us. I think we have all been so wrapped up in our own grief, sorrow,and sadness that we forgot that the person standing right next to us is also just as torn in Grief. No one is blameless, we have all treated each other badly. We have all intentionally or unintentionally hurt the others feelings. We have all said things or did things that we should not have. Or we simply did not ask the other if we are okay or if we need to talk.
Perhaps We forgot to remember how what we have said and done may have affected the other. Perhaps we forgot that we should be treating each other with tender care because we are all coping differently. Perhaps we have been selfish in our grief because we forgot that we are not the only one suffering.
If we could take a moment and reflect on the last month and a half and think about all of our recent interactions and think about how these interactions may have been perceived from a different viewpoint, maybe then we will have a better understanding of each other.
If after all this reflection we find that things could’ve been handled differently, could’ve been handled better then maybe we will move forward with an open heart and an open mind. To error is human, to forgive is divine.
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